me...inside out

• I generally have a conflict between my heart and head. My heart always wins
• I take time to take decisions… (a typical Libran) But once I take decisions I am highly opinionated… I stand by my opinions
• I will go that extra mile for my friends and family. There is nothing that comes between me and the ones I care for …
• I live by first impressions… and I judge people by the way they way people eat and their shoes… (weird na)
• I have an inflated ego… (pass off as a snob or a show off at times because of this) I hate solitude… but love the company of just one other person…
• I believe I am the luckiest guy on this planet..
• Not doing anything tires me… (this is the line that freaks everybody out.. but its true) I love pushing myself to the limit… and punishing myself
• I am a very accommodating person but I loathe people who lie.
• I crave to do stuff which people say I can’t achieve.
• I am an admirer of beauty and simplicity
• I don’t believe in destiny or God… I believe that our lives are ruled by laws of probability (can you believe this?)
• I know “Life is Difficult” and I don’t expect it to be a cake walk…
• I am a workaholic and I can work the best when I am in pain or when I am hurt…
• I am never ever satisfied… kind of a perfectionist…
• I hate getting sermonized…
• I am very very uncomfortable with complements… but I crave for them…
• I hardly ever lose temper but when I do… I am condescending…
• I believe small aim is a crime
• I am a cleanliness freak
• I am not as smart as I pretend to be.
• Deep inside I am very scared because I have way too many dreams… that in turn keeps me motivated…
• In short, I am the person you would want your worst enemy to spend the rest of his/her life with…

I want to go home!

Would you not agree that every child when admonished craves for independence; when pampered, yearns for responsibilities; when given pocket money, hungers to make his own money; when given a free ride, pines to drive his own vehicle? Even I too dreamt of the days when I would live the life of an adult.

I reached adulthood faster than I ever imagined; wading my way through broken bones and bruised egos, through joyous days and unforgettable escapades. Before long an opportunity to live by myself came along. I grabbed it with both hands, to know how it would be and to know if I had what it took to live by myself in a different city.

Soon the heroic mission I embarked on seemed to show its true colors. I longed to be with my family, I missed the comfort of my friends, I did not like the food, I craved to be pampered. I missed simple things like the warmth of my nieces’ smile, my pillow, my computer, my music system and all the other things which I felt were too trivial for my existence earlier.

Now, two months into the quest, I detest heading back to my foolish pursuit. I feel like a little toddler being forcibly sent to school. I feel his pain and his trauma of leaving his entire world to go to a place which does not hold much significance. Going to my new home, I feel like I am going to a prison, a world of pretense, where my independence and my joy has been deposited with my landlord. I wail and scream in my head endlessly “I want to go home!”

I guess deep within we all are children, but too haughty to accept it…

Double standards!

“The truth is, if you asked me to chose between Tour de France and cancer, I would choose cancer. Odd as it sounds, I would rather have the title of cancer survivor than the winner of the tour.” These are the words of the legend Lance Armstrong in his Autobiography: It’s not about the bike: My journey back to life.

For those who do not know who he is, Lance Armstrong is a much bigger superstar and real life hero to the world of cycling than Michael Schumacher is to the world of motor sport. This Olympian won the Tour de France a total of seven times. Tour de France is a grueling 3 week race, said to be the most punishing circuit any human being can undergo. He won it six consecutive times after he battled and prevailed against stage four testicular cancer. He clocked the fastest time ever, just 16 months, after being discharged from hospital as a lump of flesh.

This book is about the human ability to battle against all odds to achieve the difficult, fight the arduous and pass the backbreaking challenges in life. Lance was taught never to quit. He was raised by a single mother, his motivator who told him “If you can’t give 110 percent, you won’t make it.” He gave always his 110% and never quit, he ended up being a tour winner and a cancer survivor.

He fell in love with Lisa who was with him through the diagnosis, treatment and recouping. He wanted to marry her. But immediately after, he left Lisa stating that they had suffered from exhaustion; because of spending too much time together. Later he met, Kristin, an executive from a firm with which his cancer foundation worked. In a couple of months he was married to her. He has dedicated one full chapter of his autobiography describing how their love brought out the best in him.

Even after a long deliberation with myself I don’t think it is a valid enough reason to break up with the person who was with you thorough the toughest times in life. And recent reports states that he broke up with Kristin also and is apparently planning to marry Sheryl Crowe (a famous singer).

I fail to understand the reason for his failures in love life and marriage. I believe that he failed as a boyfriend and husband because he quit without even putting his 100% let alone 110% into his relationships. An individual who had the iron grit to battle cancer does not have the same grit to make a relation work? Is this what heroes are made of -- double standards? Are we supposed to have them for idols?